Let’s be real for a second: sex is supposed to feel good. Intimacy, connection, pleasure—these are all part of a healthy sexual experience. But for so many women, it’s not just about “more O’s.” It’s about less “uh ohs.” Because while the world is busy talking about how to spice things up in the bedroom, not enough people are talking about the very real and very common issue of pain during intercourse.
We see it every day. Women coming in confused, frustrated, and even embarrassed. Some have mild discomfort; others experience intense, burning pain. And the tricky part? It doesn’t always feel the same. What might be tolerable one week might be unbearable the next. That unpredictability can leave you feeling betrayed by your own body—and unsure of what’s actually going on.
The truth? You’re not alone. And you’re not broken. Let’s dive into why sex might hurt and what you can do about it.
Why Does Sex Hurt?
There are many reasons sex can be uncomfortable, and the answer is rarely as simple as “just relax” (insert collective eye roll here). The body is incredibly complex—especially the female body—and when something is off, it can show up as pain during intercourse, even if everything else seems fine.
Here are some common contributors:
1. Hormonal Changes
Your hormones fluctuate throughout your cycle, and those shifts have a huge impact on how your body feels—especially in your pelvic region. Estrogen helps keep tissues lubricated and elastic, but during certain phases of your cycle (or during postpartum, breastfeeding, perimenopause, or menopause), estrogen dips. That can mean drier, more sensitive tissue.
Dryness isn’t just annoying—it can cause microtears, stinging, and inflammation, especially if penetration happens when you’re not fully lubricated. Over time, this can lead to persistent discomfort or fear around intimacy.
2. Position and Size Shifts
Did you know your uterus actually changes size and position throughout your cycle? Yep—what felt great last week might bump something different this week, and not in a good way. You’re not imagining that. It’s biological. Internal structures shift and change, which can affect what’s being contacted during intercourse.
3. The Brain-Body Connection
Pain isn’t just physical. It’s deeply tied to your nervous system. If you’ve experienced pain during sex before, your brain remembers. That stinging sensation at the start? It might be your nervous system waving a red flag: “Hold on, we’ve been hurt here before.”
This feedback loop is powerful. Your body tenses. Anticipation of pain leads to less arousal, which leads to less lubrication, which… well, you see where this is going.
Breaking the Pain Cycle
So how do we go from “uh oh” to “oh yes”? It starts with understanding your body, honoring your experience, and working with professionals who know how to help. Here’s what we recommend:
1. Stop Forcing It
This might sound obvious, but it’s worth saying: if something hurts, stop. Trying to push through pain doesn’t make it better. In fact, it usually makes things worse. When penetration happens while dry or when tissues are irritated, it can cause trauma to the tissue, which increases sensitivity and makes future attempts even more painful.
Give your body permission to pause. You deserve pleasure—not pain.
2. Rethink What “In the Mood” Means
Being aroused doesn’t always mean you’re wet. And being wet doesn’t always mean you’re into it. These two things don’t always line up. That’s normal.
Lubrication can be impacted by stress, hormone levels, medications, sleep, hydration, and more. So if you’re someone who feels desire but still experiences dryness, that’s not a failure. It’s biology. And there are ways to support that (hello, high-quality lube, pelvic floor therapy, and hormone support).
3. Address the Emotional Side
Pain with sex often brings up emotional layers—frustration, shame, sadness, even guilt. Many women feel like they’re letting their partner down or that something is “wrong” with them. If that’s you, please hear this: pain doesn’t define you. And it doesn’t make you any less worthy of intimacy or connection.
Healing often requires addressing both the physical and emotional layers. That’s why we always create a safe, shame-free space for women to talk openly, explore their experiences, and rebuild trust with their own bodies.
Ready to Take the Next Step Toward Pain-Free, Pleasurable Intimacy?
Join our Best Sex Now Webinar—an exclusive, expert-led session where we dive deeper into what’s really going on with your body, what you can do about it, and how to reclaim the joy of sex again.
✨ It’s real talk, real tools, and real hope—no shame, no fluff.
You Deserve Better
Here’s what we want every woman to know: sex shouldn’t hurt. And if it does, there’s a reason—and a path forward.
Whether you’re dealing with postpartum healing, hormonal changes, scar tissue, or pelvic floor tension, you don’t have to just live with it. There are real, practical, effective ways to heal. And it starts by talking about it.
At Moment of Truth, this is the work we do every day. We help women tune in to what their body is saying, work through the tension, and build confidence and comfort—not just during sex, but in how they move through life.
It’s Time to Talk
Pain during intimacy is way more common than people realize—and way less talked about. But you’re not alone, and you’re not stuck. Whether it’s a mild sting or something that’s been interfering with your relationships and self-esteem, there’s hope.
We believe in a better story—one where your body is a source of joy, not confusion. Where intimacy feels safe, not stressful. Where more “O’s” and fewer “uh ohs” isn’t just a catchy title—it’s your lived reality.
Ready to rewrite your story?
Let’s connect. We’re here to support you with compassion, clinical expertise, and the belief that your body was made for more—more connection, more healing, more joy.
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